Home after My Exchanged Year

Ready for home?

A month before leaving, international office had started to give special program to help international students to be prepared for moving back home. This last month, the advisor fully talked about tips and trick to cope with reverse culture shock—a condition when a place that is expected to be home but feels no longer like home after living abroad. During the program there are four words that mostly said. They sound positive, sometimes tense and lifted. People change, you change. Every time I heard these words from my advisor, I already knew that I have to be more acceptant in order to get rid that shock away.

As my flight home getting closer, my feet were getting heavier. Iowa looked even much more beautiful than the first time I saw it. I sighed then packed all memories. I brought home photographs, Tunisian t-shirt, letters, shoes, books, the statue of the reader from my mentor family and all tickets from museums that I have visited. May 18, I walk my feet on my island, place where I was born and raised. I met my family. I met friends that I used to hang out with. I go to the places where I used to go. I taste my favorite foods that I grew with. They smell the same, it feels the same but I realized that I have changed. And now it has been three months, I still find a lot of things that I am struggling with.

1. I am afraid of being late but when I arrive I mostly find myself that I am the earliest one. One day I did a community development in one of elementary schools in Lombok. All are well prepared. I came on time with some volunteers and it didn’t start as it was scheduled.

2. Occasionally some weird patterns pop up. I write some words in different spelling systems since my brain works back and forth from my second to the first language and make them easily mixed.

3. When I am abroad I did a lot of adventures, I feel no pressure. I don’t feel any forces to meet my family or society’s expectation. But when I am home all friends are getting married, having a baby, buying a house, buying a car and settled down. The expectation seems clear but yeah, I am still thinking where my next destinations on earth.

4. I used public transportation a lot in US, I didn’t ride motorbike for a year. After returning home, I don’t ride as well as I did. I am getting slower and scared to ride on the steep road.

5. I thought people won’t get bored to hear all the details of my year adventures.

6. Every time I speak, there is always thing that come up about things or places in US. I don’t mean to compare things. It is just always there on the top of my mental lexicon.

8.  I am surprised how much my hometown change. Some roads are getting wider. Buildings are getting taller. It took me awhile to feel like it was the place where I used to be.

9. My relationship with people has changed too. People evolve, my friends have new social group, some move to another places, and some remain here.

10. I am jealous when I know some people leaving for their adventures and I am still and always waiting for my next turn.

11. I feel sorry when I realize that I miss some places and didn’t do cheesy touristy things.

12. I am extremely annoyed when I see people littering everywhere. Once I told a stranger to throw his rubbish in the bin. I even pick up some and bring it home.

13. The ticket price is insanely expensive but I still wish some international friends will come to visit me.

14. When I cook food that I like most in US, the taste is not the same without people that were around me.

15. I feel misfit and keep questioning what home really means.