APRIL MONOLOGUE

Sometimes some friends ask me why I choose to be a writer. I repeat the same reasons like it is required me to read and to do research. The works are labelled with my name, I feel fully exist; it is a job that provides space for me to wander around my head yet borderless; and it does make me an expert on self-isolation. To me writing is not just a process of using letters, words and punctuation symbols to retrieve the thoughts; it can be a page where I can see clearer of who I am as an individual and as a part of local-global community.

This year I have finished 4 children books and now I am working on the story line of the fifth book that will be published by one of German NGOs. This writing helps me away from the negative thought, leaving the glimpse of dystopia out there, killing the idea that I am in the minutes of Covid-19 quarantine. Occasionally, I have a monologue by picking up some Socratic questions to ponder while staring at the ceiling or simply just by typing the Q and A like what I do to this piece.

Does life have a reason?

Everything happens for a reason, even a nihilist has one. If people don’t have one, they like to invent it. One of the examples is why we met. We met not only to say good bye in the end, it is a process of knowing how far can someone accept someone’s else or how far can love survive. But do we have the same definition of life? What’s “life”? We don’t even know how the story of life comes to exist. We haven’t found any answers yet? We are heading to solve the puzzle but a lot of parts are still missing. If the journey to find the answer is like writing a book, probably we are still in the very first chapter. If life that we mean is a period between birth and death, then it does have a reason. Life exist because of the state of life is alive. It has a lifespan which can be short or long. Whether creatures like it or not, they have to live it. The longer of the life does not always mean the more alive or content a life will be. Another random ego-centrical reason could be God needs to watch a drama and enjoy its creativity.

Does understanding philosophy lead to progress?

Understanding philosophy is one of stages that lead human to empathy.  It was a philosophy before science. It was philosophy that helps human to meet God or that make human anti-God. 

Does belief make God exist?

First, it is hard for me to think that God does not exist. This world is too systemic and full of logic. God exists even before human believe in it. Second, “Does belief make God exist?” means “Is God the result of human’s imagination?” or “Does the belief itself can create a supreme truth?” Personally, I don’t see God as a literary character which is from human’s imagination. Third, even if at the end atheism can prove that God doesn’t exist; I don’t regret that I am a God believer because it definitely makes me feel safe and happier.

Why do we respect the dead more than the living?

We are supposed to equally respect them. In fact, however, as a human, we often appreciate things/family/friends we have after losing them. We often take everything for granted.

How does one find purpose in life?

This question reminds me of a saying about find and found from a famous author Frank Kafka. “He who seeks does not find, but he who does not seek will be found”.  What Kafka means in this sentence is seeking somehow makes him even far away from what he is trying to find. Meanwhile, do not seek will help what he is looking for easier to find him. Like a purpose, it is from within, it is self-created. It is not outside. Meanwhile, a person like me simply thinking that ways to find the purpose are different as people aging. For example, when people were young, their purposes are defined more by ads and how to achieve it is by looking at how people around them do it. It was challenging to see the core focus within. Through time, experience after experience, with the wrinkles on their face, human finally knows that at the end love, home and having enough food to share are the purposes.

Philosophical question is not only about finding the answer. It is about finding more questions through a question. It looks like an unsolved puzzle that allow human to play around in her head.